No Pictures No Frills Just a Big Bad Day
I am sitting here in a beautiful place with a wonderful family and feeling rather pathetic. Today, I went to the school to pick up Blaire from "soutien", which is extra help two hours a week, from her teacher. That is a wonderful thing! Blaire is happy to go and loves her dramatic and extremely silly teacher M. Remi. Merci
This is for all you parents out there that always ask themselves "Am I doing the right thing?"....Today was my turn! For Blaire I am asking "Is this GOOD for her, the girl who has to work hard at school in Canada? What if we miss a window of learning? This is an opportunity to learn a language but are we losing too much of the acedemics in the translation? What will happen when we return to Canada? Will she be able to catch it up? Will she have to repeat?
As for the other, Kali has been crying daily about going to school but is more than happy at the end of the day. When I ask how it was, she always says great and has lots of stories to tell...real or not I don't know. Yet the stress and anxiety of going to school is always there in the morning.
So, as all these things run around in my head, I see Kali's teacher and take the opportunity to talk to her. What a mistake! If I thought I was feeling sad and stressed about how Blaire was making out...it would be nothing compared to leaving Kali's teacher. Madame Desdouilles...yep a tongue twitster.
So I opened up by mangling her named and being corrected four times before I got it right...Going great! I then asked "How is Kali doing?" I knew it wouldn't be great but I hoped for something good. I was not going to get it.
"It is not good!" Ok maybe the softness was lost in translation...at least I hope it was. In hearing this my poor french becomes terrible! My tongue is tied, my brain is fried and my heart breaks. We talk and she shows me Kali's work and the problems. I think mostly related to not understanding and then checking out and not checking back in when Maitress repeats the directions in English. No matter what the problem is the guilt, fear and sadness that I felt for placing my children in such a wildly new environment was growing exponentially. I feel like a terrible mom.(This is not a plea for reassurances because in my mind I know that I am a great mom...Yes I tooted my own horn.) It is a bit of wallow and a bit of self pity, but mostly, it is to share that feeling I think we all have while raising our children.
I want the best for my children and I want always to be able to ease their fears, fix their problems and make it all right, yet I also know this is not a realistic expectation. They have to feel the stress or the hurt or even fail. That is what hurts my heart.
Oh yeah and I did this to them....Oh The Guilt!
