No Pictures No Frills Just a Big Bad Day
I am sitting here in a beautiful place with a wonderful family and feeling rather pathetic. Today, I went to the school to pick up Blaire from "soutien", which is extra help two hours a week, from her teacher. That is a wonderful thing! Blaire is happy to go and loves her dramatic and extremely silly teacher M. Remi. Merci
This is for all you parents out there that always ask themselves "Am I doing the right thing?"....Today was my turn! For Blaire I am asking "Is this GOOD for her, the girl who has to work hard at school in Canada? What if we miss a window of learning? This is an opportunity to learn a language but are we losing too much of the acedemics in the translation? What will happen when we return to Canada? Will she be able to catch it up? Will she have to repeat?
As for the other, Kali has been crying daily about going to school but is more than happy at the end of the day. When I ask how it was, she always says great and has lots of stories to tell...real or not I don't know. Yet the stress and anxiety of going to school is always there in the morning.
So, as all these things run around in my head, I see Kali's teacher and take the opportunity to talk to her. What a mistake! If I thought I was feeling sad and stressed about how Blaire was making out...it would be nothing compared to leaving Kali's teacher. Madame Desdouilles...yep a tongue twitster.
So I opened up by mangling her named and being corrected four times before I got it right...Going great! I then asked "How is Kali doing?" I knew it wouldn't be great but I hoped for something good. I was not going to get it.
"It is not good!" Ok maybe the softness was lost in translation...at least I hope it was. In hearing this my poor french becomes terrible! My tongue is tied, my brain is fried and my heart breaks. We talk and she shows me Kali's work and the problems. I think mostly related to not understanding and then checking out and not checking back in when Maitress repeats the directions in English. No matter what the problem is the guilt, fear and sadness that I felt for placing my children in such a wildly new environment was growing exponentially. I feel like a terrible mom.(This is not a plea for reassurances because in my mind I know that I am a great mom...Yes I tooted my own horn.) It is a bit of wallow and a bit of self pity, but mostly, it is to share that feeling I think we all have while raising our children.
I want the best for my children and I want always to be able to ease their fears, fix their problems and make it all right, yet I also know this is not a realistic expectation. They have to feel the stress or the hurt or even fail. That is what hurts my heart.
Oh yeah and I did this to them....Oh The Guilt!
Oh Carol, I feel your pain--I just about pulled the kids out last Monday, said forget it, and was ready to hop on the first plan back to Canada. Jacob came out of school crying, over an exercise he just didn't understand! "I hate school, I hate France, and I wanna go home!!" It does break your heart, and make you question every single decision. But, remember that if we love these kids, and show them the world, and how it works, numbers and sentences may not just mean as much as we think they need to!!!
ReplyDeleteHey Carol! Remember me?? I tried to email you but it didn't go through - got the blog from your hubby (found him on Facebook!!) - oh gosh, I just read through this passage... I can relate so much, even though I have not moved my children to France. I live with worry every day over my kids - most of it totally unjustified. But we have a daughter here who struggles so much in school. It's painful to not be able to help her, even though we try. We just want our kids to be happy, right? We do our best. Just so you know, and maybe to put some of it in perspective, Scarlett has been doing the same thing, and she is here, amongst the same crowd, same school, and not wanting to go to school for whatever reason (I haven't figured this out yet). She even faked a hurt foot the other day to get out of going to school. Yet, she comes home happy and says school was great. I admire your spirit in taking them to France. That bravery will no doubt rub off and they will be amazing girls because of it (despite any gaps in the academics.) Anyway, love the blog - great to see you guys are enjoying yourselves over there! And nice to read your very real, very down-to-earth entry about the school thing. Take good care and say hi to Kali from Scarlett - she misses her!! -- Jeanne Pelletier
ReplyDeleteHi Carol;
ReplyDeleteI understand completely - you always second guess yourself. I'm having a hard time with Thanksgiving weekend coming and no family to share it with . .Do I cook a Turkey for just the five of us?
. . .Our issues aren't so much with school (they get way more support in Ontario schools than they do in Calgary. (Colin is getting 35 minutes a day with the literacy specialist because he didn't get full day Kindergarten and is a bit behind . . .)
We're more worried about the kids socially . . they just don't have friends to have over . .it's been hard to meet people . better now that ringette has started. (But Anne is playing with older kids - so not the best friends for her . .the ringette program is pretty small . .they didn't have enough players for a u-10 competitive team . . .)
As far as academics go, I'd say don't worry . . .the kids are still very young - there is lots and lots of time for reading and math . .. if they are behind in Grade 7-8 - then you worry . .I'd just enjoy the experience - soak up the french and then figure out how to get the support they need when you get home. .(Also, it's only October 5 - give Kali a bit of time . .)
Take care;
Talk to you soon
Laura
Hey Carol! Well, I must say, no matter where we are in the world, the guilt a mother feels for her choices is tremendous and ever lasting isn't it?! You will look back on this wonderful opportunity and be grateful one day; and so will they. I aspire to be such a great mom girl! Tell Kali hi from Jorjie, they all miss her like mad!
ReplyDeleteVicki